"What an Incredible Smell You've Discovered!"

Allen's mom has been out of town for a few weeks for a family reunion, so we stopped by the house to check on things, make sure the plants didn't die, etc. We were also hoping for a little alone time away from my Mom.

We got to the house and upon entering the kitchen, we immediately realized that the refrigerator should not be making the loud "GRRRRRRRRR" noise it was making. We opened the freezer (for that is where it seemed like the sound was coming from) and discovered that, not only had the freezer stopped freezing, it had ceased to be functional several days ago. If you would like to experience a Funk that is unprecedented, a Funk that would make Bootsy himself (http://www.blackmeninamerica.com/Bootsy%20Collins_small.jpg) feel lame, and Funk to end all Funks, open up a freezer full of old food that ceased working several days ago.

Needless to say, in very short order we were completely incapacitated and unable to even complete cleaning it out. We certainly were no longer feeling like any "alone" time was a good idea (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Instead, we talked, and Allen let me know that he thinks Mom is going to be with us at least through Christmas, if not longer.

Also needless to say, after this exchange I needed to go to bed immediately.

When I woke up this morning, I stumbled into the bathroom and went to switch on a light, but instead knocked an empty Dos Equis pint glass http://www.johnsgrocery.com/Catalog/ItemProfile.cfm?argPRODID=12987 onto the floor. I was standing in a towel, contacts not yet in, yelling at the cats because broken glass is apparently the coolest thing since catnip, when my Mom came to the rescue. She grabbed me a pair of slip-on shoes and started sweeping up the shards, which of course went EVERYWHERE. Of course I thanked her profusely, which prompted her to tell me that she didn't mind, she used to do this all the time, sometimes after doing hours of house work and making dinner for everyone, she would have to stop and clean up glass, usually right as she was about to start eating herself, which is why she never had a hot meal, because every time she wanted to eat SOMEthing would happen and she would have to take care of it because she never got any help and so this was no big deal. By this time she had unfortunately managed to sweep up most of the large pieces, so I wasn't able to slit my wrists. I had to resort to hiding in the shower instead.

I wonder if Allen will think it odd if I go to bed when I get home at six?